Dave Howlett's Blog

A-Friend: You call them, they call you. Sometimes often, sometimes not. Sometimes once a year. Sometimes just to say hi or ask for something or just to laugh and just to listen.  These 3rd gear folks don't keep track of things but usually offers as well as asks and expresses appreciation (an RHB gives a lot of thank-you waves). In the service industry A-friends are called "trusted advisors."

A-cquaintance: They kind of circle out there in your universe. They are probably most of your 687 Facebook friends, the 32 cards you collected at your last networking event or some of your relatives. Sometimes you poke/ text/email them and if they don't return your contact, that's OK. Sometimes they poke/text/email you and if you don't return their contact, that's OK too; we all have busy lives.

B-Friend: You only hear from them when they need something. When you reach out to make contact, nothing comes back. And the next time you hear from them.. . they need something again. Many folks who don't know how to sell properly are B-friends; the only time clients hear from them is when they are trying to sell a new product. 

How do you deal with B Friends? I usually give them the benefit of the doubt as we all act in a B fashion sometime (that's why we feel guilty if we need something from someone, haven't kept in touch and we have to call them to ask a favour.) If the 1st gear/ B Friend behaviour persists (eg they pop up only when they need something from me), I gently disengage. I may get around to them, but it's at the bottom on my priority list. The key is to let it go (3rd gear) and don't recipocate by naming them and pointing fingers (2nd gear.)

"Just because I'm an optimist, that doesn't mean I'm a sap." President OBama 

Moral of the story? Keep in touch.  

View comments (0) or post new...

You never who you'll run into....or who will run into you.

Two months ago I took ownership of a new 2010 Toyota Prius. Cutting edge 3rd generation hydrid technology. Parking assist. Leather seats, GPS. Solar panel in the roof. Pearl White finish. Like a proud daddy, I showed off my new child to all my friends. 

Today I stopped at my favourite local fruit mart and was chatting with the cashier as she rang through my purchases.

What's the phrase a new car owner never, ever wants to hear?

"Excuse me sir, but do you own the white Toyota out front?"

I walked outside to see my sad little girl minus a side window and sporting a dented and punctured driver's door.  A truck had backed into her.

A friend just advised me today there are no accidents, just mistakes and learning experiences. 

I took a deep breath, kept the "not impressed" look on my face and told the gentleman:

"I really appreciate your honesty in seeking me out and letting me know about this."

"I feel really bad about your car" he replied.  " I had someone hit our own car when it was parked last year and he took off without telling anyone. I couldn't do that to anyone else. And just after we had my car fixed, I received a call from a lady who lived north of Toronto. She apologized for hitting my car, but it turns out it wasn't even the same accident. I went outside and tried to see what she was taling about. I could hardly see the scratch she made but she insisted on paying for any damages she may have caused. I told her to forget about it...just her call restored my faith in humanity."

 "That's because she's an amazing woman and you're a good guy", I told Mario.

"What do you mean?" he responded.

Mario Berardi and I ended up having an expresso nearby at his family business.  They make specialized metal doors and frames for commercial applications. We started chatting about reputation and I told him about my talk on good guys and amazing women. I told him about the RHB philosophy and the Knocking Down Silos lecture series. About how hard it is for folks to have passion for their own culture or traditions yet still respect other peoples' culture and traditions.   Mario told me an extraordinary story.

"I came to Toronto from Southern Italy in 1958 when I was 12 years old. I don't even want to think about how I was treated as a young Italian immigrant in my school. The violence and the abuse I suffered was terrible. This year, my wife and I visited Italy for the first time in 50 years. And Dave, the architecture, the museums, the history was incredible! I stood in front of the sculpture of David and looked at the incredible detail in his hands, how Michelangelo had sculpted the veins to be so lifelike. And do you know the only thing I could think of while I was staring at that statue? If Italians gave such beauty to the world, then why did people treat us so badly when we immigrated to Toronto?"

And now for the rest of the story.

Before I left, Mario showed me the hand-written letter he had received from the lady who had put the tiny scratch on his car. She had taken the time to write to him and express how grateful she was there were good guys left in the world. You could tell he was touched she would have taken the time to write.

People sometimes ask if if good guys and amazing women get taken advantage of in business and in life. If you never demand appreciation, won't you spend your whole life on the highway with people merging in front of you and never waving thanks?

Thanks Mario for proving the opposite. Good guys and amazing women inevitably find each other and form networks. Customers send business to good guys because they know these are people of honour and integrity and people who would do what they do with or without your appreciation.

Thanks Mario for the expresso. And for doing the honourable thing. Mistakes happen.  But good guys always come through.

View comments (4) or post new...