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On Mosques, Modesty and the Middle East |
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 When I started Real Human Being 5 years ago, I had a vision that one day I would get a call to present RHB in a church, a mosque, a temple or a synagogue. You see, within every company and every community there are good guys and amazing women. And then there a whole lot more folks who have the potential to be in 3rd gear. Unfortunately there are always a few who cannot simply having passion for their division or tribe; they need to tear down and destroy the opposers. What if we could connect the folks in 3rd gear to build bridges both within their companies and within their communities? One of our greatest challnges today is the gulf between Islam and Western Nations. My vision was to find new citizens of RHB Nation from the Muslim community.
Two months ago I received the call. As a student at Brock University, Ali had heard the RHB seminar for culture (Knocking Down Silos.) I was touched and honoured by his request to speak at his Shia mosque. This past Saturday I presented a 60 minute keynote address to the congregation of the Masumeen Islamic Centre in Brampton, Ontario. Their community was celebrating the birth of loyalty (there's a description on the flyer) and how the aspects of modesty, courage and giving back made people better. If you have heard me or one of the RHB Ambassadors speak, you'll know that these concepts are very close to the code of a real human being. (e.g. the rule of the good guy or amazing woman is that you can't run around telling people you are a good guy or an amazing woman!) One of the stories I used was from Gil Blutrich - relating his incredibly poignant tale of how a Egyption Muslim saved the son of a Israeli Jew and then turned down a year's salary offered as a reward. True 3rd gear heroes exist in every silo. I feel the greatest sadness of the Middle East is that people are forced to allign themselves by their religion and nationality not by the content of their character. Perhaps if we are to break free of recurring mistrust and hatred, it will take some real human beings to look beyond the labels. Muhammad Habash (featured above) made some amazing bridging comments after my keynote where he draw analogies with the aspects of a real human being and the wisdom from the Koran. You know we all drink from the same aquifer, we just drill different wells. We also donated the proceeds for the event to their great cause of helping Muslim seniors who live in poverty. And now for the rest of the story. The next day, I was attending a gathering of friends and heard a comment that "the majority of the world's problems are caused by Muslims." We all know this is faulty causal thinking. explained in my RHB highway example (you're on the highway and you see an idiot, he's an idiot in a BMW, therefore all BMW drivers are idiots.) I asked the individual to explain why he would say such a thing. He replied that he was simply worried about poor Canadian soldiers getting killed in Afghanistan. His reaction was understandable. It would be easy for many people to have the same thoughts, my own brother has served in Afghanistan twice. But best response I could think was to send him an email I received yesterday. General Pete Atkinson is Deputy Commander of Fort Hood (one of the largest US Army bases). Although a Canadian General, Pete oversees training of many US soldiers who serve in the Middle East, Iraq and Afganistan. Here's General Atkinsoin's email: Dave, all is well down south here, about as hot here as it is in Iraq and
Afghanistan right now. Thanks for what you do, building bridges between the
communities is the only way we will get out of this mess. Keep up the great
work. Peter" Each of us can have passion. For our religion, our community, our division, our family, our country. But to be a RHB you need to "assume everyone is intelligent" and have respect for others outside your community as well. You may have differences and disagreements, but can you argue from a point of mutual respect? Can you? If so, then you can be a RHB. And your RHB passport with get you an introduction to thousands of others in RHB Nation towards a job, new clients, a promotion, or new key contacts in your field. Your reward for being a good guy or an amazing woman is the chance to accelerate what we all want; to be FREE (F-ood on the table , a R-oof over our head, E-ducation for our children, and a little E-njoyment.) It just doesn't make sense to kill a good guy or an amazing woman. Much better is to hire them, sell to them or start a company with them. I can't improve on thew words of Bila Raza, a member of the congregation and a student at the University of Toronto, "[RHB] helps to focus on the similarities amongst us all rather than emphasizing our differences..."
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Doing the right thing |
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 Janes Family Foods used me last year to deliver the RHB "3rd gear" message in a Knocking Down Silos presentation. Steve Malinowski, president at Janes, said it reflected the "good guy" culture he was trying to build in the company, one that was employee-centered, not just top-down driven. Now THAT's the true secret to employee engagement.
Yesterday, I presented again for Janes and received this nice email two hours afterwards. Morgan was kind enough to let me reprint it. How do you get people to move from 1st gear (narrow self interest) to 2nd gear (external reward) to 3rd gear (intrinsic reward) and do the right thing? Give them a philosophy that sticks; one that affects how they act at home with their children, on the highway in the car and in the plant with their fellow employees. As Steve says, an engaged workforce allows Janes Family Foods to increase quality, reduce costs and build a reputation as a great place to work.
-------------- Dave,
The first time I heard you speak, the importance of third gear hit me when I reflected on my two year old son and the example I was setting. For the majority of my life I have lived somewhere between first and second gear with the occasional shifts into third (usually through guilt). While it was nothing criminal, I was far from giving/generous/unselfish.
Not too long ago (after your first talk) I rear-ended someone turning left onto Dorval by the Town Centres. I won’t bore you with the details, but it was my fault. After checking to make sure that Ashley, Jack and the other occupants were OK I went to survey the damage. Nothing to my car, and minor damage (looked cosmetic) to hers. It was fairly busy and I suggested we pull into the Town Centre entrance a few hundred feet away. As we were driving I thought (ashamed to admit now) about speeding off onto the QEW as the other car was pulling into the entrance – but was reminded (sub-consciously I think) about Third gear. I pulled in and we surveyed the damage.
Turns out she was a single mom who just had picked up her car from the body shop as it had been stolen the week before and been damaged in a joy-ride. They were on their way for a week long camping trip that I had obviously ruined before a canoe had hit the water. She was quite sceptical about exchanging information and insisted in taking down detailed information (more on that later). I gave her my Janes business card and told her it was my fault and would “make it right” and to call/e-mail me with a quote.
That night I had made up my mind that I was going to do this in “Third gear” and set the example for the behaviour I would want Jack to follow – even if it meant paying more by not arguing over whose fault it was or questioning the extent of damage or parts for repair. I called her the next day to make sure everyone was OK and to let her know that I would make it right and pay for the repair so she could enjoy her vacation without dwelling on it. We exchanged phone calls after she returned from her vacation and I repeated that I would make this right and quickly gained her confidence. After a week passed she came back with a quote from a Toyota bodyshop for $5000 - $8000 depending on what needed to be replaced and they could only tell once they had started the work (turns out rear ending a RAV4 is quite expensive however minor the damage). While it was hard to do, I told her that I would cover it, but we might need to go through insurance and I would fully admit to the accident should this happen.
Here’s the crazy thing – she felt that this bodyshop was cheating me and that she was going to find a second quote that was more reasonable. I repeated that all I wanted was to make sure her car was fixed and that she was happy with the repairs, if that meant $8000 then so be it. She told me that her neighbour’s father owned a body shop and would get a quote from him. This quote came back at just under $2000, significant, but a far cry from the $8000 originally quoted. She then went on to explain that since I was paying for this out of my own pocket she rented a smaller sized car to save me money and went out of her way to apply a teachers discount at the rental agency. I reminded her that I hit her.
She then told me that she was in a similar situation a few years ago, where someone hit her and didn’t want to go through insurance. After the accident the exchanged info and he told her he would cover the costs. When she tried to call him he didn’t return her calls, and when she did get a hold of him he refused to pay and denied the accident. The repair ended coming out of her own pocket.
She ended up having a different view on people and lost a little trust in people. She told me that it was refreshing to deal with someone who took responsibility for their actions and in her words “renewed her faith in society”. She thanked me for my honesty and oddly we both seemed to gain something from this accident. In some ways it was a virtuous cycle for myself as I have caught myself doing the “right thing” more and more.
So while this isn’t exactly a thank you card (I’ll get there eventually) – thank you. Your talk helped me get into Third gear and see what happens when you do the right thing.
Thanks,
Morgan
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Can you change a culture overnight? |
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 Today's Toronto Star headlines read "Rude and Crude" and goes on to detail some customer-reported bad (1st gear) behaviour by TTC employees.
Steven O'Brien is quoted as saying "you can't change a culture overnight." I am trying to develop the RHB eCourse to help companies like TTC change behaviours from 1st gear (narrow self-interest behaviour ) to 3rd gear (intrinsic reward - good guy/amazing woman behaviour) OK, you RHBs, got any feedback on this article? Let me know your thoughts and I'll forward them to Mr. O'Brien. ----------- Wow! Hasn't changed must since I lived in the Big Smoke. Imagine the impact on Toronto if the TTC would move into 3rd gear. According to wiki the ridership average per day is 942,600! What an impact that would be. RHB Nation unite - how about we distribute lapel pins to each TTC worker that did a great job and focus on those making a positive impact. Rod Rod Miller B.Sc, BA, MBA| Regional Vice President, Western Canada Robert Half Management Resources 4200, 888 - 3rd Street SW | Calgary, AB | T2P 5C5 ------------------- Hello all, I can speak from personal experience having been a bus operator here in Ottawa for many years. The public loathes the buses unless they need one. On board, the operator can very much set the tone with a simple smile or a greeting. It is up to the person as to how they conduct themselves. I always approached each day with the attitude that you only get out what you put in, if a passenger is determined to have a bad day, or cause others to, that is something we have to deal with. I NEVER had any situation onboard that wasn’t manageable with simple respect and communication. There will always be those first gear types everywhere you go, we just need to avoid being “downshifted” by them. Working with the public takes a lot of PR skills and unfortunately, the public are rarely held accountable for their actions. We do tolerate a lot, but we set the tone, as I said, we generally get what we give, and can’t blame all passengers for the actions of a few, the same way we can’t blame all operators for the bad choices of some. Not mentioned in the article were the number of commendations sent in for transit employees. Here in Ottawa the same type of sensationalizing of complaints occurred last year, it went away quickly when it was realized that more commendation came in than complaints. The media always has a certain degree of “spin”, after all, how enticing is a story about a bus operator practicing good customer service and generally being an RHB at work? We’re all human and we will make mistakes. Try not to make them twice. Ed --------------------- Sure there's a market for it but maybe the approach should come from a position of empathy for the driver, not the passenger.
I really feel for these drivers, they have to tolerate some seriously stressful conditions day in day out. Really, what's worse than dealing with thousands of grumpy, ungrateful people in a hurry that treat you with indifference every day of your working life? I think they work extremely hard and get very little thanks for it, if from time to time they crack and let rip well that's because of their environment.
What recourse do the drivers have when a customer treats them like dirt? Adam
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Want a job? Act like a real human being. |
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 People will like you, trust you and open up doors for you based on a compliment, a commonality and a challenge. In the RHB networking talk - we practise "Watch your Weekend Challenge" to reinforce these concepts.
Want to hear a success story from RHB Cindy? -------------- In March, I went in for a second interview with a prospective new employer, following a rigorous screening process a week before. Going into it, I was a little nervous, as the competition had proved to be fierce. At the second interview, besides other evaluations, we were required to engage in a 45-mins, in-depth Q$A with a recruitment officer. During this time, I answered the questions to the best of my abilities, but found it difficult to connect with my interviewer (Michael) aside from the occasional polite smile or laugh. Then I remembered the tip you gave us when you presented at my university a couple years ago, which was to try and find something in the room that showcased someone’s personality and build a relationship on that. Looking around, I was desperate to seek out anything that could hint to me what Michael and I had in common. As it was a conference room in a hotel, there was nothing except the table we were sitting at, several chairs, the papers on which he was scribbling, two glasses of water and three pens. Besides already establishing the fact that we were both UT alums, there seemed to be nothing else I could do or say to stand out and prove to him that I was passionate about the position. Certainly, there was nothing rapturously engaging about the three pens. They looked ordinary enough. And nothing came to mind about the water either. It tasted like how water should taste...but perhaps there was something to be said about the ice cubes floating in them? No. Everything seemed ridiculous. Suddenly, I noticed Michael’s watch. It had two readings, much like you would find if someone travels a lot. Immediately, it peeked my interest. I knew one read Toronto’s time, but what of the other? At the end of the interview, Michael invited me to ask him questions. Besides work-related ones, I ended up asking him which country he wound the second time to. At first, he seemed taken aback, or surprised, or both, but all at once, everything became more personable. He told me how it was set to London time, how he had lived there for a couple of years, how he missed it and how you would think the simple math of adding 5 to the hour is easy, but how working for this company can sometimes turn your brain, due to the frequent time changes in travel opportunities. Long story short, at the end of the conversation and subsequently, the interview, I felt surer of my chances or at the very least, I knew I gave it my all. Yet, more than that, I felt rewarded in the change of confidence and that I was able to foster an immediate relationship, even if it was short-lived. Anyway, following a background check shortly after, I am happy to report that the company officially recruited me last week. And while this may be premature, as I still have to pass formal training, I would like to acknowledge part of the success so far, to you. In short, this letter is to inform you that the practices and philosophies you teach on being a RHB have not been overlooked, certainly not by me. As to doubts on whether or not that was the catalyst that got me the offer, I can certainly tell you that I would not have done something like that before, had I not remembered that you encourage us to knock down silos, at the workplace or in our personal lives, each and everyday. And so, while the destination is often not the reward, as you say, here’s a cheer to getting this far! Yours truly, Cindy -------------- Thanks Cindy for taking the time to send this!
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Many folks get referred to RHB as they are in a job search mode. Everyone tells you the best way to find your dream job is to network - but I've always found that people hate networking (it just seems slick and insincere) and so they stop as soon as possible. 
